Only God Knows

Once a wise man that closed to my heart used to say that "hanya Allah yang tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita". Translated as 'only Allah knows what is best for us'.

No one can argue with this statement because if you strongly believe in the presence and the power of the Almighty, you know it is true.

This is what I'm afraid of. I don't mean to question the facts but somehow I know I will go through a rough route again if it's not meant to be and it will take a longer time this time around to cure.

This is what I'm scared of everything I fall in love. I don't have the confidence in me to think that I do deserved to be loved, romantically by someone.

The experiences I went through had nearly killed me and I tried every possible ways not to let the heart sings again but I'm too weak.

Another friend used to advice me that if I can't take the risk and couldn't go through another heartache I should shut myself down, lock the heart tightly and never let anyone in. This is not an act of a selfish person but a way to save my life.

It's funny when I will tend to have a weird behavior everytime someone is too nice to me. I don't feel comfortable and I don't have the confidence that it will last. I try to find faults. I try to find means and ways to piss that someone in order to prove to me that all men are the same. They are good at the beginning and starts to show the true colors when they got you.

My boyfriend had so far proved to me that I was wrong of thinking all men are the same and I started to believe in that until one day I saw something that made me knocked myself on the wall for being so stupid to fall to men's words again.

Those happy moments I saw with my own eyes could not be erased from my mind for the rest of my life. I know I will never be the best but it's too late to back off because I love him with all my heart.

Only God knows what best for me and him.