My Farm

Call me crazy or weird, I'll take it! Ladies and gentlemen, this is my Farm!

Ok ok it is not quite right that it is my real farm but it is somehow my dreamed farm. Let me be honest, this is my farm in FACEBOOK! hikhikhikhik. I spent a lot of time with this. Though not quite the exact farm I always wanted, it's almost a perfecto. huhuhuhu.

Many of my friends have some other Farms applications but I owned only this and I shall make it to the top level.

You will be surprised to know that many of your guys friends, single or married are playing the Farm thingy!! lol. even my banker is having his own farm!!! OMG!

Enjoy! feel free to drop by. heheheehhe

Must be...

Must be the new blouse I am wearing today. Or perhaps the new hairstyle. It could be the my black favorite pants. Or maybe my new LV watch. Very likely because I had facial yesterday. Most probably due to the healing session I had. Or absofuckinglutely because I started to feel vibrant and good!

Never I imagined that today, I'm the HOT one in the office. People greeted me like I'm a superstar! the guys were like hanging out with me and kept looking at me from head to toe and they were like asking me: "something so good about u today which we don't know what but u are absolutely HOT today!:

hahahaahahaha. Honestly i have no idea what's the difference compare to any other days but I realized one thing is that when I got up this morning, I told myself that today is gonna be a good day for me.

I guess the 'spell' works! Oh I feel good! :)

oh did I tell you about last Friday nite? it will be in my next posting... I had hell of a time and I'm BACK! ahahahahhaa

My Father

That's my dad. He's 68 today. He came a long way to be at who he is today.

Of all the things I've done wrong, I must have done something so right to deserve a father like him.

I don't know where to begin talking about my father because there are so many things to dwell about him but I shall keep it to myself as I want it to be only me to feel how great a man he is.

He has gone through so much that made him so humble and patient. The tremendous problems and obstacle he had to go through made him one of the greatest man I ever known.

His unconditional love for us is incredible. Even at this age, he will always making sure we are well and safe. I remember when I just had my operation last year and stayed home for a month. The way he took care of me was just beyond expectation. Every pain I suffered during that time was hurting him so badly. He took care of me like I was just been born. Sometimes when my heart was broken, he doesn't need to say a word, all he does is to hug me and whisper how much he loves me.

When no one there to catch my tears and when I'm in fear to move on, he gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person- he believes in me.

It's your birthday papa. No matter what it takes, I will make sure you and mama will always be happy because it is in you, I found my happiness.

Happy Birthday Papa. You did it Your Way!

Dance with me. :)

Book Club

I highly recommend all of you to read:

"La Thazaan" - Dr. Aidh Abdullah Al Qarni.

or "Don't Be Sad" in its English version.

Read for yourself why this book had been translated to various languages and how it helps me to stay alive. :)

:)

I always wonder if I've really moving on and let go of him. Sometimes I thought I've did but there were occasion that I knew I'm still going in circles. I don't like the feelings at all because it kept me holding back to something I really wasn't sure.

Few days ago I had a conversation with a good friend who brought up something inside me that I've been keeping for long time. The anger, the frustration that I kept inside me but refused to deal with it. After the conversation I decided to be true to myself and stopped lying anymore. I let the anger ran through me, the frustration to flow inside me. I let the anger came out and mad about it the whole day. I acknowledged the emotion, I let it be inside me, I swore, I yelled, I thought about the times he hurts me, I recalled the time when he pissed me off, I admitted that he did hurt me and I was mad as hell that he broke my heart. I didn't stop myself from finding the good things about him to cover the anger I felt inside me. I stopped being nice and I let it dwelt inside me the whole time.

I prayed like I never did before and told God how I felt about he had done to me. I told God how much it hurts me. I told God how much anger I have for him. I cried and cried my heart out that I couldn't stopped for about an hour. I told God what I want. I told God to guide me. I told God how frustrated I am and how it effected my life.

I finally realized the reason why I was still holding back was because I refused to accept the truth. I refused to go to the process of healing. I denied any negative things about him. I didn't want to go through the stages.

But miracle happened. After I acknowledged my true feelings, suddenly I felt so free. Free of all the emotion that nearly killed me. I began to see things coming. I managed to have so much fun partying without thinking about him. I was able to laugh and smile from the heart. I felt good. I felt energetic. I felt that the whole world is under my feet. I begin to love everything about me. I begin to let go..

Last night I had a dream. I dreamed his parents came to see me and apologized for what had happened. I remembered crying on his mother's lap. He was there but his ego was still so high that he refused to even said a word.

I woke up strangely fine this morning. I have no regrets and I have no more guilt inside me. I feel calmer and so free for the first time.

I've learned that things will work out fine if we surrender to the Universe and let the process of healing play the part and all I have to do is be gentle to myself and be patience for I know and I can feel that good things will happen to me soon.

Thank you to those who had helped me to see the lights. :)

Just After Raya

These pictures taken 2 days after the Eid and one and the half week after G left me. My cousins were kind enough to bring me to Kuantan and stayed in her sea view apartment for a night.

The view was magnificent and it was so peaceful. I tried to put up my smile. Though it was so hard to do so, I still managed to have good times with my lovely cousins. They were there to talk to me and helped me to go through one of the saddest moments of my life.

I looked horrible in the pictures but I've learnt few things about myself when I was there.

I witnessed the amazing sun set the next morning and it brought hope to me that I will be ok one day. :)