The Body

For the past 4 months I have been having problems with my hand, the right one especially. I could not lift anything and can't even open the door lock with feeling any pain. I remember driving my family to our hometown 1 month ago when suddenly my right hand became numb. I was so worry that it will caused danger to my family members that were asleep at that time that I decided to see the specialist.

I had an operation exactly a year ago. I had a cyst in my ovary and after the operation I was on medication until last month. I had few japs that were so painful that I was not ashamed to cry. The OP went well and my doctor said I'm as normal as any other women(duhh, was I not before?). Anyway, due to the medications I have to take every 3 months, I was wondering if it affected my other parts of the body.

I went to SJMC for the routine check up and told my lovely doctor about the numb thing and she arranged for an appointment with a Rheumatologist. The soft spoken doctor suspected that I might having this problem due to my constant typing on the computer but at the same time he wasn't happy with the level of my C Reactive Protein(CRP). For normal people, the CPR is below 6 but mine is 20! It means I have inflammations in side my body somewhere! He did another blood test to detect if I'm suffering from Rheumatoid Arthritis(RA). I was panicked. I mean I'm still young and I need these hands to bring food for the family! *sigh

I got the result yesterday and alhamdullilah it was negative. But it doesn't solve the problem. Then he broke the news. He is quite confident that I have problem with nerves! OMG! My eldest aunty is bed-ridden because of it, my another aunty is suffering from it and can hardly walk without a tongkat and now me? why me? My doctor arranged for me to meet with a Neurologist for further check up and to conduct few test before they can proceed with the treatment and the appointment is tomorrow morning.

When my gynae diagnosed me of suffering from Endometriosis, I was shocked but quite calmed but when Dr. Davendran the Rheumatologist mentioned about the nerves thing, I almost fainted. I am a strong girl, inside and out and the only thing that can make me weak is something happen in my family but this time it's me! why I can't be strong and calm as I used to be? I didn't tell anyone, not even to my sister who is the closest to me that tomorrow's appointment is bothering me so much that I think my heart beats as fast as the bullet train.

I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow but I know whatever the result going to be, I have to face it by myself.

I'm going alone tomorrow. My boyfriend doesn't even mentioned to accompany me and I am not going to ask for the help or mention about it. Besides, we die alone too.

Good nite.